I miss my Dad's silly jokes. (These days I am lucky if he tells me to "be careful".) He's not very communicative at ninety-eight and suffers from an absence of sensory and intellectual stimulation as he can barely see or hear - and lives in a nursing home (which speaks for itself). Of course when I was growing up I hated his silly jokes (they were so very dumb - and - if there were other children around- really embarrassing). My own daughter hates when I make these kind of jokes (probably for the same reason). However - when my Dad became Grandpa...and my daughter was growing up - we both found them kind of amusing. Endearing. Charming even. Something we will always remember about him. My daughter called his quips "Grandpa Jokes". The name stuck.
Some examples?
"See that sign for 'self-storage'? Why would anyone store himself?"
Or: "Blinds for sale? That's terrible! Why would anyone want to sell a blind person!"
My two favorites involve the gym. A place I enjoy. Of course.
"Why do they call it working out - when you go to the gym aren't you inside?"
And - "Why do they call it a gym? What if the person who owns it is named Bill or Louie?"
Dad....I love you.
The gym is where I spend hours each morning. My lifestyle for more than three decades. And now that I no longer have a..."day" job...my time at the gym gives my day necessary structure. First three hours at the gym to clear my head and work my body - and then anything else I want to do (practice guitar, arrange music, write these posts..etc.)
Of course, like anything else, the experience isn't completely positive...
There's the guy who sits at a machine, whips out his cell phone and surfs the Net (or texts) instead of working out. Or the people who spend more time talking than working out. (What can possibly be so interesting at seven AM that they have to talk for lengthy periods instead of exercising? I am still half-asleep and can barely operate the machine!) My favorite gym rat is the person who sits at a machine with a determined expression on his or her face...and sits. And sits some more. Does nothing. Not a weight lifted. Never moving a muscle. Staring into space. (And occupying a machine that I need to use.) I sometimes ask these individuals if I can "work-in" (code for "please get off the machine which you aren't using") but I try not to do this. The annoyance shows in my voice and demeanor and I could come across as condescending, antagonistic - and get into an argument. Not a good thing when one is there for stress relief!One day last week I'd had it - a woman had sat down at a machine I was due to use and seemed to be occupying herself by contemplating the meaning of life (or the validity of the current political parties in a democratic society - I am not sure which). Each time I asked to "work-in" there was no response. Not so much as a raised eyebrow. No acknowledgement in any way-shape-or-form that I was even speaking to her. I felt my blood pressure rising...was on the point of raising my voice...when a guy came over to her and started "talking" to her using sign language! Whoops...
This morning I found myself working out with a bunch of middle-aged guys who were arguing about sports. That is...they were spending most of their time arguing. I had my music - "In Retrospect" - playing on my IPod (yes, I was listening to my own music. That's not a crime, is it??) but the argument was so loud, I found myself paying attention despite myself.
With rogue nations out there who want to hurt us, with unemployment still high and the economy still problematical, with the millions of firearms out there for people to use to kill people...this is what these four guys were arguing about: Mets versus Yankees. Wilpon versus Steinbrenner.
A representative sample of comments:
"The Yankees have won 27 World Series and 40 American League pennants. The Mets? 2 Series, 4 pennants."
"Yeah? Well, the Yankees had that idiot Steinbrenner running the team to the ground - they didn't win even one Series between 1980 and 1996!"
"George? George was 'The Boss'. The players were scared of him! And- he was the first owner to pay big money for free agents. He wined and dined Reggie - and 'Mr. October' helped win two World Series! Fred Wilpon? He is so clueless he managed to be taken in by Bernie Madoff!"
"Didn't Steinbrenner also trade Reggie away before the was through? And Fred Wilpon built Citfield. An original design...not like the Yankees who just created a carbon copy of their old stadium! And Wilpon never paid a gambler $40,000 to dig up dirt on a ballplayer like George did with Winfield!"
"Don't talk about George trading Reggie...wasn't Wilpon the genius who traded Tom Seaver to the Reds for Steve Henderson?"
"Wilpon traded Seaver? No you idiot - that was Lou Grant!" (Actually it was M. Donald Grant - although I wasn't saying a word. Especially since Wilpon also lost Seaver after "The Franchise" had returned to the team a few years after Wilpon and Abner Doubleday - oops, I meant Nelson Doubleday! - had purchased the Mets.)
By now the level of the "discussion" had escalated - and these guys were screaming. Which made it difficult to concentrate. (Notice that the comments did not contain any insights or information about baseball itself.) I looked at the combatants...not one looked as if he had ever spent any significant time in a gym. The big Yankee fan in the group was very heavy and red-faced...and he looked as if he was going to have a stoke.
I finished working with the weight machines and headed to the treadmill to do some cardio in another part of the gym. I could still hear them arguing. This long-time Mets fan could only shake his head over the wasted energy involved in such an insignificant discussion. What did it matter - Mets, Yankees. Or -
Steinbrenner, Wilpon?
Still... for what's it's worth...for the record...any discussion of Met and Yankee championships has to start in 1962 - the year the Mets were born. Since 1962 the Yankees have won 8 World Series (1962, 1977, 1978, 1996, 1998-2000, and 2009.) (Although it seems to me that 1962 should have a "Ford Frick asterisk" since the Yankees roster was already stocked with a galaxy of stars- and the Mets were starting from scratch with a roster of retreads.) So yes...I reluctantly concede the point that the Yankees have had more success during the lifetime of the Mets.
On-the-other-hand...until 1969 there were no divisional championship playoffs in order to qualify for the World Series... teams just had to win the pennant to qualify. How many of those pre-1969 Yankee teams would have even made it into the Series if they had to get through additional rounds to qualify. A hot pitcher and/or hot team could always seize the moment and triumph. (Which is one of the reasons why baseball is such a terrific sport.)
Examples? Take the period between 1955 and 1964. The Yankees won 9 American league peanuts (which automatically put them in the World Series,) The Yankees won only 4 Series during this time(1956, 1958, 1961 and 1962) while losing 5 times (1955, 1957, 1960, 1963, 1964.) And in the 1962 the Giants missed winning Game Seven by the slimmest of margins when Willie McCovey blasted a potential walk-off line drive that was barely snagged by the Yankees' second baseman. The question is: how many of those World Series would the Yankees have even been a part of if they had needed to win layers of playoffs in order to qualify?
Hmm. I think I am ready to participate in tomorrow's discussion. (I'll just get to the gym a little earlier.) It'll take my mind off more important topics like death, illness, the economy, or politics.
Come to think of it...I suppose that's the point. Isn't it?
I'd better be prepared though...one of the Mets' original owners is a relative of the Bush family. As in (ex) President Bush.
Oh. And I am also a Wilpon supporter.
Bye for now! Till then,
Stevenn
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