"WTF? THE BEST OF THE WORST"

Hi Friends!

Sometimes it seems as if there are award ceremonies for almost everything. Did you know that there's even an award ceremony for the pornography industry that mirrors certain categories used for the Academy Awards? (i.e.. Best Cinematographer, Best Original Screenplay, Best Costume Designer, Best Special Effects, etc.) as well as an X-rated take on such mainstream categories such as Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor and the like.

Sunday evening I watched the Golden Globes, which was reasonably entertaining as these things go, and featured the wonderful comedy of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as co-hosts. Afterward it occurred to me that I was remiss in not revealing my selections for the 2014 WTF awards, a subject near and dear to my heart. Therefore, for the first time, here are my choices as the sole arbiter behind this prestigious - and culturally important - event:

THE AWARD FOR "THE EMPLOYEE MOST UNABLE TO THINK OUT OF THE BOX" goes to: the morning custodian at the New York Sports Club who - went informed that someone had gotten ill in the locker room, responded by telling me that he was "required to neatly fold each and every towel - and stock the shelves with them - before proceeding to any other task!

THE AWARD FOR "THE MOST INSENSITIVE CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE" goes to the rep at the bank of America who insisted that my brother and I pay a fee for expenses incurred by our parents' empty - and unused - safe-deposit box - even though our parents passed away back in 2012, the bank had been properly notified of that fact - and the bank had even paid to us the balance in their accounts!

THE AWARD FOR "THE STUPIDEST RELIANCE UPON TECHNOLOGY" goes to the elderly woman who drove the wrong-way down a one-way street (narrowly hitting me) while completely ignoring both the posted signs as well as the fact that all the parked automobiles were facing the wrong direction - and when confronted with these facts, merely shrugged her shoulders and exclaimed "MY GPS TOLD ME TO MAKE THAT TURN!"

THE AWARD FOR "PLACING YOUNG CHILDREN IN THE MOST DANGEROUS SITUATION" goes to the wonderful mother who crossed Queens Boulevard - AKA "The Boulevard of Death" - texting the whole time with one hand while pushing a baby carriage with her body and holding the hand of her toddler!

THE AWARD FOR "MOST UNRELIABLE TRANSPORTATION INFORMATION" goes to the good folks who programed those electronic traffic signs on Thanksgiving so that on the most heavily traveled day of the entire year, transversing the highways between Staten Island and Suffolk County out on Long island - always difficult even under the best of circumstance - changed to nightmarish proportions as the information regarding highway congestion was almost invariably incorrect - leading to unnecessary re-routing (and contributing to the most excruciatingly lengthy ride ever!)

THE AWARD FOR THE "STUPIDEST NYC MTA TECHNOLOGICAL ACHIEVEMENT" goes to the folks at the MTA who decided to install the new informational kiosks - electronic signs that require customers to touch them (a risky health hazard) that is low to the ground and therefore invisible at any appreciable distance - and mostly exist to display paid advertisements and not to disseminate necessary subway information). (A "PIGGYBACK" AWARD FOR "STUPIDEST NYC MTA TECHNOLOGICAL DECISION" is awarded to the folks at the MTA who pulled back on their promise to roll-out the informative electronic signs currently in use on the Seventh Avenue and 14th Street Lines to the entire subway system - electronic signs which ARE visible up and down the platform and only supply the most useful kind of train information (i.e. train waiting times) to the customers who need that kind of information.

THE AWARD FOR "PLACING OTHER DRIVERS IN THE MOST DANGEROUS SITUATION" goes to the guy who conducted a "Face-Time" conversation with a woman while driving on the Long Island Expressway at 75 miles per hour!

THE AWARD FOR "PLACING ONESELF IN THE MOST DANGEROUS SITUATION" is SHARED by EVERY deliveryman in the city who rides a bike the wrong-way on a one-way street and/or ignores traffic signals, repeatedly risking injury/death bu driving through stop signs and red-lights!

THE AWARD FOR "MOST GUTLESS/STUPIDEST ENTERTAINMENT DECISION" is SHARED by both the CEO at SONY who initially succumbed to blackmail and pulled the movie "The Interview" - AND the SONY executive(s) who green-lighted the idiotic project in the first place!

FINALLY - THE AWARD FOR "MOST GULLIBLE AMERICAN VOTER" goes out to anyone who failed to recognize that he/she was being manipulated by the media's ridiculous and way-out-of-proportion reaction to the Ebola "Crisis" - which somehow disappeared from the radar the day after the mid-term elections! (BTW: a close second in this category would be any American voter who believed the political rhetoric that the country is in terrible economic shape (ignoring the reality that the economy continues to improve and the unemployment down has gone steadily downward.)

OK, yes - I guess there ARE too many award ceremonies.

WTF?

Until next time, be safe!

Stevenn

"TRUE F**G STORIES…THIS AND THAT AND THE MONKEES…"

Hi Friends!

Sometimes you hear a story, confirm its authenticity - and STILL cannot believe it's true! Other times you can accept the implausible due to the personality(yes) involved - but still shake your head in disbelief and say to yourself "How did anyone have the nerve to do that?" In either case, were you to recite the particular story to a third party, you'd almost invariably have to preface your comments with a "TRUE F**G STORY!" Some examples:

1. An excited eight-year-old boy accompanied his father to watch the presidential motorcade pass by. Of course the city was Dallas, the year 1963, and at the exact moment the boy's Dad listed him onto his shoulders to watch the procession and wave to the President of the United States, the shots rang out that killed John F. Kennedy. Momentarily stunned, the young boy cried out in horror as did the people in the rest of the crowd. The name of that youngster? Bill Paxton, later an actor in such films as "Apollo Thirteen" "True Lies" and "Twister" as well as the recent HBO series "Big Love".

2. The late Robin Williams was a relatively unknown comic/actor back in the mid-seventies when he auditioned before "Happy Days" director Garry Marshall for the role of Mork, the alien who visits Milwaukee in the late fifties and interacts with Ritchie Cunningham (Ron Howard) and Arthur Fonzarelli (Henry Winkler). Williams may have been unknown - but he was already an extraordinarily creative and fearless performer. Hence upon arriving at the audition - and having already gathered enough information about the zaniness of the character - he proceeded to climb on top of a chair, stand on his head - and proceeded with the audition for Marshal in that manner! (Williams was hired on the spot.)

3. During World War the late- and legendary comic/actor Redd Foxx - who influenced scorers of comedians who came after him (Jamie Foxx took the surname "Foxx" as a tribute to Redd Foxx) - dodged the draft by eating half a bar of soap before his physical, a trick that resulted in heart palpitations that caused him to be deemed medically unfit to serve in the military.

4. The late sixties rock band Iron Butterfly ("In-A Gadda-Da-Vida" was their biggest hit) was slated to play the Woodstock Festival, which probably would have ensured the group a larger place in rock and roll history. Iron Butterfly - whose name, incidentally, was partially the inspiration for the name ""Led Zeppelin" according to none other than Jimmy Page - would have not only played at the festival but also would have earned a spot on the million-selling soundtrack album - and a place in the movie documentary "Woodstock" as well. Unfortunately, when the group assembled in New York City for the helicopter ride which was supposed to take them to the festival, the helicopter never showed. History is vague as to which day of the festival this occurred - and there's no answer as to the question why the group didn't take alternate transportation up to the festival - but in any event Iron Butterfly is usually categorized as one of those "forgotten" early hard rock/psychedelic groups - a "one-hit wonder" - who broke up not long after Woodstock.

5. In 1969 the animated group "The Archies" - a "group" based upon the popular "Archie" comic book series had one of the biggest singles of the late sixties, the rock and roll "bubblegum" song "Sugar, Sugar". "The Archies" were brainchild of renown rock producer Don Kirshner, who decided that he didn't want to produce any more acts that would question his authority and his musical judgement. You see, several years before Kirshner had also put the television show "The Monkees" together, auditioning a diverse group of aspiring actors, singers and musicians to form an ersatz rock and roll group portraying a fictionalized version of itself on the television series. Although the Monkees sang on all of the songs produced for the series, studio musicians were hired to write and play the instruments. When both the show AND the records of the group took off, the Monkees began to feel as though they were a real group and - after taking advantage of their television success bu going out on the road and performing in front of huge audiences - I suppose they were entitled to this feeling. Unfortunately for Mr. Kirshner, the Monkees also began to demand creative freedom and the right to play the instruments on their own recordings - which ultimately led to the dismissal of Kirschner by the network ("ya have to keep the talent happy".) Thus Don Kirshner came up with the idea for "the Archies"- group whose member couldn't argue with him because they did not exist!

Casey Stengel, the first manager (1962-1965) of the New York Mets was known far and wide as a teller of stories. And whenever someone would question the veracity of a particular story he would respond with the refrain: "Hey! You could look it up!"

Same with with the stories above. All "true f**g stories!

Bye for now- be safe!

Stevenn

"WTF? A HARD DAY'S NIGHT"

Hi Friends!

Isn't it amazing how long it can take to even accomplish one task? And while it is true that living in one of the most congested cities in North America certainly contributes to the problem, my own special take on this is that things would move a hell of a lot quicker if so many people weren't stupid, lazy - or both. Case-in-point...last Saturday evening.

It was a chilly, rainy, windy miserable night. Due to an injury I had been unable to do much holiday shopping and/or shopping for Shar's birthday present (her birthday was the following day). Feeling better, I had allocated an hour (at most) to travel two subway stops and purchase the bluetooth speaker that I had already picked out for her. A few weeks earlier I had managed to visit the Radio Shack in Forest Hills - but that store had sold out the item I wanted. At the time I asked the clerk where the next closest Radio Shack was located and - without batting an eye - he responded "the Rego Park Mall". Just 2 subway stops away.

So this past Saturday evening I set out into the rain to buy Shar's gift, confident that the entire process would take an hour - tops! I left at 6pm expecting to return by 7pm. (However - not being a NYC "travel virgin" - I told her that I would return no later than 8pm (or an hour later. After all (I told myself) you never know…

I took the F train one stop to 71st street, intending to grab the local. Much to my surprise the F train - and evidently ALL trains on that line - were running "local" - meaning that I now had to wait on the platform for another train - thereby quickly killing ten minutes.

I finally grabbed a train that would take me to the Rego Park Mall. Wet, cold and miserable from the short walk from the subway stop to the mall, I quickly discovered that the Rego Park Mall - algthjough it does have a roof - is an outdoor mall, wide open to the elements at either end, necessitatiung the wind and cold (if not the rain itself) still casued discomfort - and making the walk through the mall rather unpleasant. I ALSO discovered that the clerk from the Forest Hills Radio Shack had been mistaken - that there was in fact NO Radio Shack at the Rego Park Mall. I walked into a store to ask someone if they knew where the closest Radio Shack was located. "Not far" the worker responded with enthusiasm, evidently happy to help. "Forest Hills" he told me. "The closest Radio Shack is in Forest Hills".

I walked back out into the cold rain, walked back to the subway and took the train an additional stop west to the Queens Plaza Mall. That mall had a "Best Buy" store - and "Best Buy" sold a speaker similar to the one I wanted to buy for Shar.

However, I was amenable to buying another speaker if the salesmperson could convince me it was better than the one I had chosen. Walking into the store I found a salesperson and told him my problem. He nodded; he understood. We walked over to the display of speakers with "bluetooth" capability. He paintakingsly went into the positive and negative features of each speaker. It was a very informative and impressive display of his knowledge. I practically sank to my knees in joy that I had found a salesperson so helpful and knowledgable...except that when I made my choice (a slight, mostly cosmetic upgrade on the model I had previously selected) the young gentleman from "Best Buy" indicated that - due to the holidays - the store was completely out of the speakers - each and every one of them! and that, as they'd been backordered,a supply should be arriving any day. I looked at him in disbelief. I needed to purchase a present that evening for a birthday that was taking place the following day (this had already been explained to him). And - if the product wasn't available - why had the salesperson wasted my prescious time with his all-inclusive explanation? He shrugged. "Just following my manager's instructions" he said. (Notice...there was no apology or even an acknowledgment that he may not have used good judgmenet in this situation.) It wasn't worth my time or energy to complain to the manager...I had to get the damn present...I didn't want to have to give Shar an "IOU",,,that's no fun!

In desperation I returned to trhe original Radio Shack - located in Forest Hills several stops back in the direction I'd come from..it was getting late. There had been a slightly cheaper speaker that I had previously comnsidered. It was possible that thgis model would be good enough (although if it wasn't, I'd have HAD to have given Shar that IOU - and she'd have said to me "where the hell DID you go for two hours?" However - much to mys surpise - the model I wanted was again in stock. (Oh....I'd told them to notify me if the product cam in. Yeah, right...no one had, I am still waiting...) Anyway, the speaker had coime in with a variety of colors to choose from. I gave the salesperson my preference. By now it was about 730...I'd been gone for an hour and a half. Ten minutes later she returned, empty-handed. They didn't have the color I wanted. (This took TEN minutes? It's a small store.) I learned quickly from the experience....there wefre 4 or 5 additional colors....I gave her mr request in order of perefernce....I figured she's come back with SOMETHING. And she did - again, TEN minutes later. She had no answer when I asked what had taken so long. Except that her sweater looked a little...wet...as if she had possibly gone into the alley gto smoke a cigarette - or make a phone call. Or both.)

I made my purchase, tripled-bagbging the present because of the rain and walked back to the apartment. I walked because the train I had taken back to Forest Hills was packed, terribly hot, uncomfortable...an reeked of urine from the homeless people who were living in each corner of the car.

I just about made it back within the two hours, exhausted form what I had assumed would be a simple, pro-forma and relatively quick process. I'm 61 years-old...I should know better, right? SHOULDN'T I?

Shar loved the present. But a BIG "WTF?" goes out to the salespersons who supplied wrong i nformation or who had launched imnto a time-consuming explanation of products which were no longer in stock...or the final salesperson who took a grand total of 20 minutes to find and make the sell on a product I had alreacdy decided to buy!

WTF is wrong with people?

Bye for now, be safe…

Stevenn

"BACK IN THE DAY...THE STORY BEHIND 'GREAT EXPECTATIONS' AND NEW YEARS EVE 1973"

Hi Friends! "BACK IN THE DAY...THE STORY BEHIND 'GREAT EXPECTATIONS' AND NEW YEARS EVE 1973"

It was the afternoon of New Years Eve, December 1973. The Big Guy and myself had both left early from our jobs in White's Department Store. (Sudden illnesses as I recall.) We had been invited to a party in Brooklyn by our friend Musical Michael, a fellow student at Stony Brook University whom we had met while working at my other job, Korvettes (another department store). Musical Michael was tall and thin, with a baby face and the longest hair on a guy I'd ever seen. He looked like a semitic version of an Indian warrior - right out of Gunsmoke. Even in the immediate post hippie era, the length of his hair was shocking. Michael's father was an executive at RCA records and he boasted of owning a personal record collection numbering in the thousands. Michael worked with our other friend, Crazy Larry, in the record department at Korvettes. (It wasn't the toughest gig - and Michael never worked very hard. I mostly remember him looking for the newly arrived demos to play over the speaker system and chatting up the female customers.)

Musical Michael could be categorized as the ultimate laid-back person...nothing ever bothered him. His career goal was to coordinate tours of rock and roll bands. A nice guy, he'd invite us to his dorm room on campus to hang out and listen to his plethora of albums - or down to the legendary "James Pub" to have a few beers, listen to live music and try to connect with co-eds. He knew that I wasn't very happy at "The Brook". Commuting to the university from my parent's home, plagued with low self-esteem and an inability to converse with women - hey, just like the character on "Big Bang"! - I had much trouble establishing "connections". And most of my friends weren't doing much better.

At "James Pub" there would be the usual Bob Dylan "wanna-be" playing guitar on a small stage, singing his version of "Blowing In The Wind" or "The Times They Are A Changing". Groups of college students sat at small tables, drinking beer and chatting. And in the center of the pub, sitting at a small table all by himself, surrounded by two or three pitchers of beer, was the guy we dubbed "Mr. Statistics". He happened to be there - at the same table, drinking the same two or three pitchers of beer - always by himself - each and every time we were there. We wondered what the deal was. Michael didn't know him. A few nights before New Years Eve 1973 we were down at "James Pub". The Avenger of Edenn happened to be with us. The Avenger need to know. He finally went over to find out the guy's story. Twenty minutes later the Avenger returned to our table to report that - according to the guy at the table - we all had a better chance of getting struck by lightening than finding a woman on campus: "Let's assume there are 5,000 women here on campus. Three thousand have boyfriends back in the city. One thousand are stuck-up. Five hundred hate guys." The guy kept eliminating women. By the time he finished there was no one left. Hence the derivation of the nickname: "Mr. Statistics".) And Mr. Statistics wasn't even a bad-looking guy!

We were already having enough trouble finding woman, Musical Michael - everyone's friend who possessed the "gift of gab" - took pity on us. At Korvettes the next evening, Michael approached Crazy Larry and I and invited us to a New Years Party. (To be held in his parent's home in Midwood, a middle class neighborhood in Brooklyn.)

"Brooklyn?" I replied. "Long trip for a party, that's sixty miles away." Larry didn't appear very enthused either. Michael smiled. "There will be girls there. Twice as many girls as guys. And...they'll the type that's very friendly. Very friendly." Hmmm. Very friendly girls. (And many more girls than guys.) Larry and I looked at each other. Larry did have one excellent question: how did Michael know all these girls? "Friends of friends of friends of friends" he replied. Ok. Good enough for us. We were in.

As it turned out, Michael also invited the Avenger of Edenn, The Big Guy...and the two Solomon Brothers, old friends from high school who were always up for a good time. And always looking to meet girls.

The party was scheduled to start at nine. At eight o'clock everyone met up at my parent's home in Holtsville, Long Island. (Holtsville was famous as the location of a large IRS processing center. And not for much else.) "Mr. Statistics" had depressed us. Michael's party was going to fix that....we talked excitedly about the party. Had some a drinks for the road. (Remember - this was 1973.) Headed out to the highway. A sixty mile adventure. I drove my 1967 Dodge Dart, Larry, the Avenger and the Big Guy rode with me. The Solomon Brothers followed in their beat-up, red, VW "bug". The Avenger and I were twenty years old and the oldest of the group. We were all certain the evening would be fun and memorable. Really fun and really memorable!

Finally we were on the road to Brooklyn. Michael's guarantee ("Twice as many girls as guys. And very friendly...") hung over us. A lightening rod pointing West from Long Island. We were invincible. The young feel invincible. When you're young...no harm can come to you. Nothing can hurt you...or can it?

When my daughter was younger - much younger - and sometimes actually accepted my advice - I'd tell her to please "use your noodle"...which as the years went on, I adjusted to mean "take care of yourself." In-other-words: try to make well-thought-out decisions regarding personal safety...evaluate situations...don't do anything grossly stupid....terrific advice, right? Right!...except that I was the possibly the worst possible role model...

There are two reasons why the events of New Years, 1973 are such an important milestone in my life.

First reason: the friends I spent that day and evening with are all still my friends. That's amazing. (And what's even more amazing is that we are all - knock on wood! - still alive!) The Avenger of Edenn. The Big Guy. Larry and the Solomon Brothers...it's been a long time....so much has happened. Work. Marriage. Divorce. Children. Location changes. Even retirement and - for some of us - disability. The bonding that occurred that New Years Eve jump-started my closest and most enduring friendships. And it cannot be underestimated how important that was - still is - to me, someone who had all kinds of difficulties making friends and communicating with others (exasperated by the fact that my parents moved the family several times while we were growing up, each move causing additional kinds of problems as I grew older). We began New Years Eve as friends - and finished it as brothers. We really care about one another, this group of friends - that's a good thing.

Now for reason # 2: that's a little different. We were all extremely intelligent young men who made a series of very dumb and immature decisions that nearly cost us our lives. When I look back, I just shake my head in amazement. How could so many smart people make so many stupid decision? (Even if they were only twenty years of age? No excuse!)

Well, I know why. Women. Sex.

Years later I worked together with a good friend who used to say that if he and I paid enough attention to making money instead of chasing women, we'd both be very comfortable and wealthy - and we'd have the women anyway. Well....that statement is certainly debatable...but risking one's life to meet women is not.

It's just dumb.

On this particular New Years Eve we had a long ride from Suffolk County to Brooklyn. Two cars. The Solomon Brothers were in their little VW bug. I drove the second car - Larry, the Avenger of Edenn, and The Big Guy all rode with me. It was my very first car, a blue 1967 Dodge Dart that my Dad gave me when I entered college. I don't know how it is for women but to a guy....well, you always remember you're very first automobile. I had saved enough money to install an Eight Track Tape Deck and the most modern speakers. I loved driving that car!

We met at my parent's home for some drinks first - of course - then headed out to the highway. Our friend "Musical" Michael had invited us to a party with many more women than men...and the women would be particularly friendly. (Or so Michael said.) None of us had had much success yet with women. Damn we were looking forward to that party!

Really dumb.

It was too long a drive just to travel. Of course we had to "liven" the trip up a bit. So we started the party early, Drinking in the car. Several times on the way to Brooklyn we pulled over on the side of the highway and exchanged bottles of booze. Beer. Wine. Jack Daniels? Driving into Brooklyn we would stop at the red lights, get out and trade bottles. Trade passengers. We were crazy. We had to stop In the Canarsie section of Brooklyn to pick up an old friend of The Avenger, Matthew (The Missing Link). Matthew brought a case of beer with him. He was a welcome addition to the group. We put him in the VW bug with the Solomon Brothers.

And then...as the song says: "...when we got there we discovered fifty guys and only three girls and the women who were there thought they were god's gift to the world nothing left to do but try to get off on a wicked little punch and plate of spaghetti sauce with great expectations..." (c) by stevenn beck

"Musical" Michael shrugged his shoulders when we asked what happened. "My girlfriend said she would bring some friends who would bring some friends who would bring some friends." he explained. "But she got busy - and forgot to invite them all." I just looked at him. We'd driven all the way from Long Island!

It turned into a "Mr. Statistics" evening (you know, the poor guy from Part Two of this story, who performed a statistical analysis of the chance for romantic success at Stony Brook and arrived at the conclusion he virtually no chance to find a woman!) The party continued of course, the drinks flowed. Eventually my friends and I left, winding up at a diner in Canarsie where we partied with the help and saved The Big Guy from (literally) drowning in a bowl of spaghetti. Then...came the big decision....

It was 4am and snowing lightly. Marty suggested we stay over at his parent's home. And drive back to Suffolk County the next day. "Use your noodle" as I would tell my daughter. Makes perfect sense, right? So naturally we told him "no thanks"...we were determined to make it back home. And so - after dropping Marty off at his parents' house - we started back.

Dumb, dumb, incredibly dumb!

The Solomon Brothers...trying to follow us in the snowy darkness...lost track of the Dart, made some wrong turns - and wound up on the Belt Parkway headed towards the Verrazano Bridge - the wrong direction. They spent hours trying to figure this out - in a pre-GPS age, the Brothers would turn around, drive for awhile, somehow get confused, turn around again...and wind up near the Verrazano Bridge! They eventually arrived back home at 8 or 9am, safe and sound, staying awake and with no repercussions. They were the lucky ones.

The Big Guy and The Avenger were so drunk, we had to carry them to the car, lay them out in the backseat. (It wasn't easy.) I was having trouble focusing so I asked my friend Larry to drive. Larry's idea of a good time was to spend a few hours at a bar and then weave his car over the double yellow line on a two-lane highway...this was the guy who essentially functioned as our "designated driver!"

"driving home in the early morn gonna try once again got to believe that tomorrow will be a better end well the snow fell hard on the expressway of regret everybody low as someone yells "do you smell anything burning, beck?" so we pull the dart to the side fall out and watch as the flames they ride high with great expectations..."

On the Long Island Expressway Larry drove over something. There was a crashing sound, the car jerked. He and I looked back. We couldn't tell what he'd hit. Everything else seemed fine - so we continued on. As we turned off on exit 61, Patchogue-Holbrook Road, Larry mentioned he smelled smoke. Half-asleep, I looked over at the thermostat to discover the dial had pushed way past the red "danger" line. We pulled over to the side as smoke erupted from the engine. Dragged The Big Guy and the Avenger out of the car - they were sound asleep - and out into the cold snow. And stood there for a moment watching my car - my very first car - literally go up in smoke. With nothing else to do - no cell phones back then - we trudged through the early morning cold to my parents' home still a mile. And arrived there freezing, exhausted, wet. It as 6AM, New Years Day.

The guys all drove home. I passed out in my bed. My Dad woke me up at eight in the morning. Pounded on the door to my room. "Steven, where's the Dart?" And I had to give him the explanation. Drive with him in his car to where we'd had to abandon the Dart. He looked at the Dart. Looked at me. Looked back at the Dart. He never said a word. It was must worse than telling me I hadn't "used my noodle".

The Dart - my Dart - was finished. (Later that week we discovered that whatever Larry had hit on the Expressway had caused leaks in both the radiator and the gas tank.) Gas escaping....water escaping...and the temperature rising...not exactly "looking out for our noodles".

Why did we have to take chances like that....drink to excess...risk our lives to go to a party....

Good question....and the subject for another day.

Until then, be safe! Please.

Stevenn

"BACK IN THE DAY…TRAVELING TORTURE…AND ROBERT MOSES"

Hi Friends!

Ever wonder why for a hundred years there were no additional NYC subway lines created - even as the population in the outer boroughs exploded? Or why maintenance on the existing train lines virtually stopped between 1940 and 1970 so that by the early 80s the number of delays and derailments - not to mention lack of adequate air-conditioning and/or heating facilities - had reached epidemic proportions? Or why the Grand Central/Northern State Parkways make lengthy curves to the south before resuming their routes out to Long Island….thereby condemning thousands of commuters to unnecessary traveling time every time they go to - and from -work? Or why neighborhoods such as Bay Ridge, South Brooklyn and the South Bronx were practically decimated because of the routes chosen for the Gowanus Expressway/Brooklyn-Queens Expressway/Cross Bronx Expressways arbitrarily divided previously cohesive communities? Or - finally - why the bridges built over the "parkways" leading out to the Long island beaches were built low, so that most buses could not pass underneath them?

In every case there's a simple answer: Robert Moses, the man responsible for the creation of the New York city area highway system - served as the head of multiple quasi-public agencies...responsible for transportation and parks... between the mid-1920s and 1962. He was never elected to any position nut rather a political appointee who used his knowledge of the law to craft certain bills for his titular bosses - people who HAD been elected - bills that usually contained somewhere in an obscure passage legislative authority that essentially gave Moses - again, never elected to any political office - the ultimate power in New York City. Combining patronage and good-old-fashioned favoritism to businesses, politicians and organizations who supported him - Moses consolidated his power by making his reputation as "The Man Who Created Parks". And in fact he did create quite a few (including Jones Beach) thereby gaining the trust and gratitude of the bulk of the population…making Moses so popular that whenever a NYC Mayor (think LaGuardia) or NYS Governor (Dewey) treated to fire him over a disagreement, Moses would simply craft a resignation letter and threaten to release it to the press, essentially frightening the political official into falling into line. After all - you couldn't cause Robert Moses to leave - to the public Moses was the man in their corner, the man who had saved the parks - or created new ones - despite political opposition. Robert Moses was their hero. And the Mayor or Governor or Borough President would ultimately capitulate. Other public officials were forced to give in to Moses, who was not above spreading un-founded rumors regarding an opponent's supposed corrupt activities, Communist sympathies - or even sexual behavior.

Moses did whatever he wanted for decades. And he was a genius for organization. Much good occurred. His considerable accomplishments are indisputable. The Triborough, Whitestone and Throggs Neck bridges for example, connecting NYC and Long Island to the rest of the country. The highway system which allowed a driver to circumnavigate Brooklyn and Queens and get out to Long Island without hitting a single traffic signal. Dozens of parks -large and small were renovated; many new parks created. Jones Beach and the park that would be named after Moses - Robert Moses State Park - were practically manufactured out of a narrow strip of barrier beach off the Great South Bay of Long island. Later on he built the Verrazano Bridge, connecting Brooklyn and Staten Island, making vehicular travel easier to get from NYC to Southern New Jersey.

It is also incontrovertible that Moses:

- was a bigot who renovated or built most of his parks in middle class or upper-middle class neighborhoods.

- arranged for his parkways to have low bridges so that buses of poor people (i.e. minorities) couldn't be bused out to his pristine, new beaches on Long island. (As I think about it, that's also why he neglected to renovate the waterfronts located in New York City. There is a marvelous 4 mile beach and boardwalk out on Staten island for example - neglected and left to rot for decades until the early 90s.)

- chose the routes for his NYC highways due to considerations of wealth - he would condemn apartment houses full of poorer people but spare areas more affluent (even if the affluent area made more sense from an economic or transportation-oriented perspective). Out in Queens and Long island his highways avoided the more affluent areas as well, making additional miles of highway/parkway and added unnecessary and burdensome travel time for millions of average people over the ensuing decades.

- diverted most transportation funds to his highway, bridge and parkway projects, leaving the mass transportation without necessary funds. And completely ignored shifts in population which required existing subway lines be extended and/or new ones built. Moses was so stubborn that when opponents literally begged him to make his highways and parkways wider to allow for future expansion of mass transit, he not only ignored his advice but often made sure the parkways would be built in such a way as to preclude the possibility. (The existence of the right-of-way alongside the parkways would have made later expansion/construction so much cheaper.)

The reasons for Moses' stubbornness and behavior are too complicated to go into here. (Read the 1500 hundred page book "The Power Broker" by Robert Caro. Starts slow, then I couldn't put the book down.) Moses enjoyed his power. Being "The Man In Charge. Being able to wield this power despite his lack of political office. And he was a man was in love with automobile, a mostly luxury vehicle in the early 1920s and never came to grips with the fact that his new highways, parkways, and bridges had made the suburbs more accessible, ushering in a suburban population explosion that resulted in automobiles being utilized for daily transportation to and fro work - and to-and-from New York City. The change didn't effect Moses as he traveled throughout the NYC metropolitan in his air-conditioned and chauffeured limousine.

Since Robert Moses' departure from the scene NYC and Long island have struggled to remedy the effects of some of the bad decisions. Anyone who has sat in traffic on the Northern State Parkway - or has to walk through the antiquated and disgusting subway stations like the one at 14th street - a transportation hub - or who has to walk under the dark and dangerous underbelly of the Gowanus expressway to reach the neighborhood deli - can attest to this fact.

Or to paraphrase the famous line used by the Pakinstini restauranteur in the Seinfeld finale: Robert Moses was a baaad man - a very baaad man."

Bye for now, be safe!

Stevenn

"WTF? AND THEN SOME…COPS, KILLERS, PRIVILEGE AND KOREA""

Hi Friends!

Well, even in a society which almost daily provides grist for those of us who look at the world in a certain way and just shake our heads in disbelief and mutter "WTF" (or- sometimes shout it) this past week demonstrated that just when we've hit bottom, we can still push the envelope. (By "we" I mean all the stupid, insensitive, unfeeling and selfish people of the world...coupled with those who just shrug their shoulders, fail to vote, or resort to electronic contraptions, sports and/or artificial stimulants in order to allow them to escape/ignore the insanity.

Except that sometimes there is no escape.

Generally I agree with those who are angry that profiling exists, that innocent individuals are sometimes treated poorly (and sometimes die), that certain individuals in authority - whatever their motivation - are prone to overstepping their authority and committing acts against citizens that are unacceptable in a civilized society. But targeting random police officers - or others in authority - who are merely doing their job, trying to protect the public, trying to earn rather substandard wages in comparison to their level of personal risk, people who are husbands, fathers, wives, mothers, sons, daughters…that behavior is equally unacceptable - acts of domestic terrorism as heinous as the acts they portend to protest. One of the unmistakable truths in the universe that when taking certain actions one must decide upon the objective(s) that one wishes to achieve. Killing two policemen in their squad car had absolutely no chance in hell of stopping the escalation of violence or even reducing the rate of the unfortunate incidents that it portended to be avenging. In short the act was pure evil and the act of a madman. And as such 100% reprehensible. If anything there will be additional innocent individual lost to violence.

Different subject: the most recent Congressional "Omnibus" spending bill..."Omnibus" sounds most impressive, does it not? Personally it's just a fancy term for screwing the American people. WC Fields: "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull." There ya go. Ease the restrictions imposed upon the financial community that were instituted after the last crash, then raise the amount of money these corporations can contribute to - guess what? - the political campaigns of the very politicians who voted to ease the aforementioned restrictions! And who got screwed? The American people - many of whom voted for the politicians who were screwing them! Just wait until the next downturn and more private pensions - foolishly invested - go down the tubes, throwing even that many more Americans into poverty - or forcing them to work until they die. Two more very old- and very - apt phrases…"There is a sucker born every minute" and "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." I think the best one is the following: "Those who fail to learn the lessons of history are condemned to repeat it".

One other subject from this past week - different yet the same - as it deals with privilege versus the average tax-paying citizen - is the continuation of the absurd situation out in Forest Hills, Queens, where thousands upon thousands of drivers compete for a minimum number of parking spots - a competition made more difficult by virtue of the archaic alternate-side parking rules - while - barely a few blocks away - there sits the "private" community of "Forest Hills Gardens" where the "rest of us" are unable to park while most streets remain bare of parked cars because the homeowners have driveways and private garages on their property - blocks and blocks of adjacent streets which would relieve the communities' parking issues - but if you are stupid enough to park there you risk your automobile getting "booted" and/or-towed - and in any event have to cough up a hefty sum of money to reclaim your vehicle. Every day in Forest Hills piper there are arguments between people who are fighting desperately for a parking spot so that they can get home after a long, hard day to their loved ones and the comfort of their home. To warmth, perhaps TLC. And a god, hot meal. Yet "Forest Hills Gardens" is smack in the middle of the borough of Queens, and therefore part of the City of New York. Protected by NYC police, the terrorist task force, and utilizing city streets and services - including the NYC subway system - as they enter or exit their insulated neighborhood. "The Gardens" was established at some point in the past by making a deal with the politicos and fat-cats of the past. To the detriment of the average, tax-paying, hardworking citizens of Forest Hills.

So here's a particularly angry and bitter "WTF?" going out to the following: anyone who misuses their authority, anyone who engages in random "urban terrorism", the American politicians who sold their citizens down the river yet again, the American people who continually allow it to happen - and to the NYC and Queens "Movers and Shakers" from yesteryear who established the privileged community of Forest Hills Gardens in the middle of Queens. And - finally - to the people who live in Forest Hills who - as a subsection of the American public public I just gave the "WTF?" to - continue to take it. Again and again and again...

Oh yes...I can't forget this final subject: the absurd situation of the government of North Korea investing the time, money and energy to "hack" the moronic SONY movie "The Interview"…and the decision by SONY to completely "pull" the movie due to North Korea's threats of terrorist action AKA blackmail - what can one say except "WTF?" Somewhere Neville Chamberlin - "google" him if you don't know who he was - is smiling.There IS a sucker born every minute. Millions of them. Evidently...

Happy Holidays everyone!

Bye for now, be safe!

Stevenn

"WTF? THE GREAT TRAIN ROBBERY"

Hi Friends!

I had every intention of giving my three pet "peeves" a rest. In no particular order, the issues are cell phone utilization, the problems of the homeless...and the NYC Subway system. Well...at least that was my intention - and I imagine that I will return to the first two issues sooner-or-later...but the subway issue came to the forefront yet again. And...there doesn't appear to be any end in sight.

Yes, I'm aware that the NYC subway system is very old, that a certain Mr. Robert Moses - self-appointed NYC and New York State "transportation czar" for decades in the early and mid-twentieth century - diverted necessary funds from the system to use for his highway and bridge program (thereby setting the stage for years of neglect, inefficiency and the postponement of maintenance/modernization of both trains and infrastructure (forcing the system to play "catch-up" ever since)...and that the city's perilous fiscal crisis of the mid-1970s led to further deterioration and neglect. Still...this is now the second decade of the twenty-first century...there have been years of dramatic fare hikes and much money and time spent on subway improvements. Yet...little improves. In the end, results all what really matters. Based upon the current situation in the subways, the Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA for short) isn't spending its money wisely or using its time efficiently. And...some of their actions are, well...to be blunt...stupid.

Let's take the most recent disaster, taking place yesterday. Evidently all kinds of issues resulting in the suspension of 7 train service back to Queens as well as a "spillover" effect virtually paralyzing the other Queens Boulevard lines (the E, the F, the M and N lines). Bad enough these types of problems are occurring fairly frequently despite regular maintenance and track work (at this point the problems should be few and far between - or even completely eliminated). But the MTA complicated a bad situation by:

- not correctly informing riders - or, evidently some of their own workers - regarding the nature of the problem. Hundreds of commuters continued to stream down the long 53rd street entrances despite the fact that the platforms below were already jammed with people. Announcements weren't especially helpful. And MTA workers provided wrong information. Token clerks shrugged their shoulders, admitting that "they didn't know what was going on."

- few transit police showed up to control the situation - and no one in authority attempted to keep people from entering the station (making a dangerous situation worse).

- no members of MTA management were on site - so far as I could tell - to assess the situation let alone take steps to improve it. In-other-words...everyone there was on their own. (Or...let the subway rider beware.)

- when the lengthy escalator - jammed with people - jarred to a sudden and dangerous halt - no one from station management appeared to take control of this problem either. Many were frightened. Some hurt. Others - closer to the street - revered direction and started walking back up....only to confront dozens of individuals who were still entering the escalator to walk down...despite the fact that it was clearly not operating. (These included a woman who looked about eight months pregnant. I stared at her...since she had to walk down anyway, why not take the stairs since it was possible the escalator could start without warning.)

- it was reported to me that on the station platforms below....which I never reached...the MTA workers there also were not very helpful, many providing information which turned out to be wrong.

Now the situation I just described took place at the Lexington Avenue E tran stop. Others I know who were attempting to get back to Queens reported to me that all along the line to Queens it was the same story. At the Roosevelt Avenue hub in Jackson Heights...were there is a connection between the 7 line and the E, F, R and M lines...there was practically a riot with tired, frustrated and stressed out people unsure where to go or what to do...and how they were able to make it safely home.

I ended up backtracking down to Grand Central and walking over to the west side where - after a lengthy wait - a caught a jammed M train....which - caught up in the chaos of the moment - took an extraordinarily long time to make its way through the East River tunnel and into Queens. At least, however, I was out of the station and safe from the hordes of people. As the M train moved along through the system, eventually picking up many who had gone through the same experience as myself - there was one thing I did notice: everyone on their phone, conversing, playing their games, texting if they had service, watching TV shows...quiet now as lambs being led out to be slaughtered, content with playing with their toys, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the NYC subway system had demonstrated once more an utter disregard for their personal safety and comfort. No one overtly angry. No one calling for the heads of the MTA. No one venting. No one...really...being.

Just happy playing with their toys. (Ooops...I guess I got a rant in regarding cell phones after all....)

So...a big "WTF" going out to the management and employees of the NYC MTA for failing its customers yet again. Another "WTF" for whomever is responsible at the MTA to make sure that the expenditures and time being invested on the system actually translate into improved subway riding conditions...and a major "WTF" to the riders of NYC who continue to take whatever abuse is thrown at them by "the man"...'cause if ya have your cell phone, life is good.

Isn't it?

"WTF!"

Bye for now, be safe!

Stevenn